Sunday, October 3, 2010

Rainy on the Inside

I'm emotionally drained. Which makes me physically drained. Which is apparently quite obvious to those around me. I've gotten a lot of "Are you okay?" "Are you sure?" "What's wrong?" and other concerned remarks and questions within the last few weeks. 

My response is generally, "Yeah, yeah!" with an occasional, "just a little tired..."  

Some people buy this, and conversation moves on to other stuff. But a few feel propelled to give me a hug and to "feel better soon!" 

I guess in general, I'm a relatively bubbly and peppy person. I try to always keep a smile on my face. I laugh a lot. I'm goofy and quirky, and I might even venture to say I'm a little bit funny. But lately, I haven't been feeling any of that. I mean, I try to be me--but lately, I haven't felt peppy, bubbly, or funny on the inside.

And when you don't feel something inside, it's hard to project that on the outside. 

I just have never felt so tired. Waking up in the morning is such a struggle. My chest feels weighted down, and there are some moments I feel like I can barely breathe. I feel the bags dragging my eyes down. 

I take naps... lots of them. The other day, I could barely keep my eyes open while on the phone with my sister. It was 4pm. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8pm. And I still went to sleep easily later that night and then had to force myself out of bed the next morning. 

Each day feels like I'm just working to get to the next one. 

It's just so exhausting... in fact, I think it's time for me to take a nap. 


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