Thursday, January 30, 2014

The Sacred Search

I've had a lot of posts about being single. How it sucks, how I'm fine with it, how I don't care and how I hate being hit on.

Blah, Blah, Blah.

Don't get me wrong--they are all very true. But I think I'm finally getting to a point where being in a relationship (or not being in one) isn't a secret obsession of mine. A thing that I act cool about, but really I'm hurt and confused about why I wasn't good enough or whatever.

I'm finally just moving on from it all. Because when I think back to all those past relationships, I'm not so sure if I'd be all that happy if they did work out. None of them were bad people or anything, but I think they all were/are bad for me.

Realizing that has made it hurt less.

Realizing what would be good for me has made it hurt less.

One of the things I've been really focusing on for the last few months is Matthew 6:33: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you."

I think I've spent a lot of my life seeking out the perfect guy and relationship. Someone to make me feel special and secure and whatever. And all it's done has led to heart ache. So what if I decided to seek God instead? I imagine that things would look a lot different. There would be less heartache.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about what we were looking for in the ideal mate. One of the first things he mentioned was a sense of humor. I shrugged and pretended that I didn't have a list, or there were no ideal questions I sought to have answered, to decide about "the One." But I remember getting home later and wishing I had spoken out and said the truth.

The truth is, I want someone who is passionate about their love for Christ. Someone who isn't ashamed of the Gospel. Someone who pushes me to be more steadfast in my walk and faith. That's the number one thing on my list.

And then of course I want someone who I'm attracted to, who makes me laugh, wants a big family, who challenges me... and it'd be great if he loved to do laundry.

Basically, I'm tired of my search for my "soul mate"/"life mate" or whatever you want to call it to be out of desperation. I want it to be one where I'm patiently looking for someone with whom I can share and live out God's love and purpose for our lives together.

And that hasn't been the case in any of my past relationships--even the good ones. God was in the backseat. A silent companion, who sometimes was allowed to tag along begrudgingly.

I want things to work differently from now on.

So... in my search for "the one," I want God to come first. I want it to be a sacred search, full of joy and one I undertake with God as my number-one companion.

"A sole mate is something who walks out with us... the biblical commandment to seek first the kingdom of God. ...A biblical sole mate who walks in this truth, who daily travels God's journey of sacrificial love, and who willingly goes "into training" for godliness is a far more stable foundation upon which to build a lifelong partnership..."
--from "A Sacred Search" by Gary Thomas

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

So let's catch up a bit...

My last post was a bit all over the place. So let's start this new year right.

Will I be blogging more? I can't say for sure. I know it's not like I have this amazing group of followers who are relying on me. I started this blog for myself as a way to commit to writing on a regular basis and sort of working out big changes in my life.

I had just lost my job and felt lost as a person.

Over the years, the blog has evolved, but one thing has been consistent: I tend to mostly write about things as they are changing for me. The job, the living arrangement, the hair...

So what's changed since the last time I blogged in 2013?

  • I have moved once again. It seems I can't stay in one place for more than a year. In my life, I have moved a total of 18 times (no including the back and forth each summer of college). I have lived in two different countries and four different U.S. states. I'm kind of at a point where I really want to stay in one place and call it home. I currently have an 18-month lease in a cute little triplex that I love. A bit less space than the last place, but not as old and safer. Plus... no one is trying to demolish it to make a parking lot.
  • I not only teach, but I'm also a course leader. This means that not only do I get to plan lessons, but the unit plans, unit assessments, common assessments and lead content day meetings. I will say that it is more work than I anticipated, but it's also really cool and I've learned so much about the art of teaching and really think more carefully about the "why" behind what we do in the classroom each day. I spend a lot of time thinking about curriculum and creating quality resources that I think after I've taught for a few years I want to be a content writer/curriculum developer.
I love thinking about all the possibilites for good Social Studies instruction!

  • I can maybe sort of call myself a runner. Crazy, I know. I hate to work out. I hate to run (although I don't mind biking), but I've been coaxed into doing some fun runs in the past (Color Run) or doing a 5K for a good cause (Race of the Cure). But this past year... I ran a half-marathon. Okay... a half-marathon relay--I ran 6-ish miles, and a co-worker ran the other. I actually trained for this run... and while I didn't run my entire leg without stopping, I did run nearly 3 miles before I had to stop and walk the first time and all-in-all ran more than 4.5 miles total! And then I did a 5K some months later. And the crazy thing is, I plan to do both again this year! (And maybe train harder and run further, we'll see!)

  •  I'm actually doing things in Houston. Mostly through church, but I've been to a Hoe Down, a Christmas Eve party... and I just actually make plans and have a pretty fulfilled life. Do I still miss my life and friends in Dallas? You bet. But I've also learned to really be content with my life in Houston and to live it more fully.

I'm sure there's more, but I'll stop there for now! 2013 was a great year, and I'm really excited for this new year and making more memories. No promises, but I'll also try to not let updates be so far apart from each other!

A little picture reel courtesy of Google+ of my 2013
(there are probably more picture of other people in this than me, but hey...)

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Who Am I?

New year means new goals/resolutions... which I never actually make because I'm generally bad at following through at them. I'm not very good at self-motivation for the sake of just me. I'm much better at self-motivation when whatever the task/goal is involves someone else.

One thing I do tend to think about each year is who I am. And whether I like the person I am. And if I am not 100% in love with me, what needs to change. So maybe I do make resolutions after all? Whatever. I don't know.

I've been terribly neglectful of my writing--blog and other types--and while procrastinating further and playing catch up on my blog reading list, I fell across some more personality tests on someone else's blog. I always love these! Because while we may generally have a personality type, we do evolve each year. We learn, we grow, we change.

So, who am I at the start of 2014?

Based on the test I just took, my personality type: INFP.
Strength of individual traits: Introversion - 7%, Intuition - 4%, Feeling - 31%, Prospecting - 9%.

When I did this same test in February 2013 for work, I was an ENFJ.
Strength of individual traits: Extraversion -  1%, Intuition - 12%, Feeling - 50%, Judging - 56%

The only thing in the same area is the N and F, haha.

It's weird to think that I'm a different person than I was just a year ago. But it also makes sense because even I know I've changed. Although, in comparing the two... I'm not drastically different.

My Personality Change (2013 v. 2014)
ENFJ (2013) INFP (2014)
Very charismatic. ENFJ personalities are charming and popular – they instinctively know how to attract and keep people’s attention, as well as communicate with them effectively.
Altruistic. ENFJs are warm and selfless, always willing to help other people. They are idealists, motivated by the idea of doing something good for the world.

Skilled imitators. ENFJs find it very easy to notice what drives, motivates and worries other people, and are instinctively able to adjust their own manners and arguments accordingly.

Natural leaders. ENFJ personalities do not seek to dominate or direct, but people are attracted to their charisma and eloquence – unsurprisingly, ENFJs usually end up being very popular and rarely have any difficulties getting to leadership positions.

Tolerant. People with this personality type tend to be open-minded and accepting, willing to consider competing ideas as long as they do not contradict their inner principles. ENFJs can easily get along with most other types.

Reliable. ENFJs work hard for causes they consider important – if their role excites and motivates them, an ENFJ can be very patient and reliable.

Passionate and energetic. INFPs tend to be very energetic when it comes to causes they believe in and are willing to fight for. They may be quiet and even shy in public, but their passion should not be underestimated.

Very creative. INFP personalities find it easy to interpret signs and hidden meanings – furthermore, their well-developed intuition has no difficulties connecting the dots and coming up with interesting, unusual ideas.

Open-minded and flexible. INFPs dislike being constrained by rules and do not seek to impose them on others. They tend to be fairly liberal, open-minded individuals, as long as their principles and ideas are not being challenged.

Idealistic. INFPs are perhaps the most idealistic of all personality types, believing that people are inherently good and everyone should do their best to fight evil and injustice in the world.

Seek and value harmony. INFPs do not want to dominate and work hard to ensure that everyone’s opinion is valued and heard.

Can be very dedicated and hard-working. As mentioned above, INFP personalities are both very passionate and idealistic. Not surprisingly, they can also be unbelievably dedicated to their chosen cause or an organization. It is unlikely that an INFP will give up simply because everyone else has abandoned the cause or it is getting difficult to keep going.


I see myself in both personality types, I suppose. So I don't think I have made a major shift in personality.

Something I absolutely LOVE about my current personality type (INFP) is this:
Some fictional INFPs: Anne of Green Gables

If you know me well, then you know the first "career" I can remember wanting to be when I grew up was... Anne of Green Gables! I realized later that it was impossible for me to grow up and become a white, red-haired Canadian. But looks like I just hit my dream!

Anyway... so I started this year as a slightly different person than I was last year. Not sure what that means for 2014, but here we go...
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