Faith, Hope, and Love

Dating is was my idol. Since I was at least six or seven, I've been obsessed with the idea of being someone's girlfriend. And not in a frivolous sort of way. I was always quite serious about my love life. Every guy I dated, I thought I would marry. And I treated each relationship with that level of seriousness (or with as much seriousness as a 12-, 16-, or even 18-year-old can). And I can't even say that I've dated a whole lot (although I have had my fair share of crushes), but when I did begin dating, very rarely was I single for long or not obsessing with my singleness. My first "serious" relationship started when I was 15. I had liked him for two years before that (along with some mini-crushes on a few other boys) and so when he finally noticed me and asked me out, it was amazing. Although it lasted for a little over a year, that relationship ended because frankly, we were young. And I probably scared him with how serious I was about the whole thing,...

If you've been reading the blog for a while, then you know I generally reflect on my love life every so often. And of course Valentine's Day is the perfect opportunity to do that. Not to gripe about being single or even to gush about the romantic thing someone did for me (because, sad to say, that's only happened ONCE... and while I acted all pleased at the time, it was a bit over the top and embarrassing for me. Note to future man: Public Displays panic me ). I reflect each Valentine's Day because I think love is a beautiful thing, and February 14th pretty much puts it right in your face. I don't feel sorry for myself because I'm single. In fact, this year, as I watched kids pass chocolates, carnations and roses, I didn't think once about not having someone to share the day with. For one, I was in the middle of losing a battle with a major cold/sinus infection that has me laying in bed and wasting a roll of toilet paper. But secondly, I feel extremely...

I've had a lot of posts about being single. How it sucks , how I'm fine with it , how I don't care and how I hate being hit on . Blah, Blah, Blah. Don't get me wrong--they are all very true. But I think I'm finally getting to a point where being in a relationship (or not being in one) isn't a secret obsession of mine. A thing that I act cool about, but really I'm hurt and confused about why I wasn't good enough or whatever. I'm finally just moving on from it all. Because when I think back to all those past relationships, I'm not so sure if I'd be all that happy if they did work out. None of them were bad people or anything, but I think they all were/are bad for me. Realizing that has made it hurt less. Realizing what would be good for me has made it hurt less. One of the things I've been really focusing on for the last few months is Matthew 6:33: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto ...

... in the words of Jaime Grace (who was totally reading my mind). Absolutely hilarious and perfect video. In general, I feel a lot of pressure to be in a relationship. Part of it comes down to the fact that my unofficial part-time job is "wedding attender." There is at least five weddings a year in my life. And there was the year I went to 10 (and had been invited to more). And at every wedding, I sigh with a lot of happiness for the couple, but also a little bit of longing for myself. But a huge part of it is that every Nigerian auntie wants to question me at every event possible (especially weddings) and during their questioning I get this niggling feeling that I'm not meeting expectations. That it doesn't matter that I have two degrees, or that I'm working my butt off teaching 6th graders, or that overall I think I'm growing into a wonderful woman. What matters is that I'm still single. And that makes me a failure. I don't truly believe t...

It never fails that within a given week someone   seemingly has to ask me, "So... do you have a boyfriend?", "So who's the lucky man?" or something along that lines. It doesn't matter if we've been friends for ages and just haven't seen each other in a while, or you've just met me a few months, days or hours ago. It somehow always creeps up. And when I say, "No... No one..." with a sweet smile on my face, the answer is always a variation of three things: 1. "Don't worry, your own time will come soon." (Really? I wasn't worried until you said that , now I'm worried that something is the matter since "my time" hasn't come yet. Thanks.) 2. "Oh, why are you being picky? Or are you just waiting until you're sure ? (Actually, no one is even remotely interested in me. Or at least no one I'm aware of. Thanks for reminding me of that fact.) 3. "We've got to find someone for you!...

So maybe I should reconsider my decision to leave the journalism world. After all, accroding to this Common Ground post , it's the #1 Sexiest job for women. Followed by teachers... but only if they are Teach for America. Which I am not. So I am apparently not a sexy teacher (sigh). Photographer is #3... so maybe if I take my hobby more seriously I could still be seen as sexy. I lack a sexy career. Which is sad, considering that the top three are kind of within my reach. It'd explain why I'm still single, perhaps. I kid. Although, I have been thinking a lot about my singleness over the last 2-3 months. I promise, I'm not one of those crazy girls who is psychotically planning her wedding and just needs to put a groom in the mix and she'll be happy. Generally, I'm very content with my life. But... I do want to find "the one." And I am kind of tired of waiting around for him. Yet, I don't know how to find him. About six weeks ago, I ran into o...