Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Journalism is Sexy! What?!

So maybe I should reconsider my decision to leave the journalism world. After all, accroding to this Common Ground post, it's the #1 Sexiest job for women. Followed by teachers... but only if they are Teach for America. Which I am not. So I am apparently not a sexy teacher (sigh). Photographer is #3... so maybe if I take my hobby more seriously I could still be seen as sexy.

I lack a sexy career. Which is sad, considering that the top three are kind of within my reach. It'd explain why I'm still single, perhaps.

I kid.

Although, I have been thinking a lot about my singleness over the last 2-3 months. I promise, I'm not one of those crazy girls who is psychotically planning her wedding and just needs to put a groom in the mix and she'll be happy. Generally, I'm very content with my life. But... I do want to find "the one." And I am kind of tired of waiting around for him. Yet, I don't know how to find him.

About six weeks ago, I ran into one of my exes. I was worried it might be awkward, considering there was some cheating and a basically a year-long break up. Eventually he got married and I was left in the dust looking pathetic. It'd been like 4-5 years ago, so I knew I was definitely over it. But I hadn't seen him in all that time. And there he was... with his kid. And I felt absolutely nothing.

Well, no. That's not true. I felt relieved. Relieved that that wasn't my kid. That he wasn't my husband. That even though in the year-plus we dated we talked often of such a future... it didn't happen.

Now, I am in no way bashing his life. He seems very happy as a husband and dad. Had a good career. Is living out his happy dream. But his life isn't my dream. And it was nice to have that fact so clearly in my face. (Cause you have to admit, a part of you always wonders, right?)

And then yesterday, I ended up Facebooking with another ex, who I dated for three drama-filled years.We've talked on and off over the years since our break up. And he's always seem to be doing well enough for himself. And now he's married and has a BEAUTIFUL little girl, with a gorgeous name.

I was expecting a part of me to think: Why does he deserve the happy ending? Why am I still waiting around for mine. But again... all I felt was relief. That our paths parted and that his life wasn't one I had to share in. Again... it looks lovely. But it's not for me.

Both times, I sat back and was glad to be single. Glad that I'm not desperate. Glad that I'm not willing to settle. Because while they both have "the dream" of a spouse and kids, something I want too... it's not all that I want. And I could see it so clearly looking at their lives. They are happy in them, but I wouldn't have been.

I'll continue to trust God to write my happily every after. And in the meantime, I guess I could help Him out by working on having a sexier career... or something along those lines :)


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