Friday, June 29, 2012

Why I'm Okay Being Single

It never fails that within a given week someone seemingly has to ask me, "So... do you have a boyfriend?", "So who's the lucky man?" or something along that lines. It doesn't matter if we've been friends for ages and just haven't seen each other in a while, or you've just met me a few months, days or hours ago. It somehow always creeps up. And when I say, "No... No one..." with a sweet smile on my face, the answer is always a variation of three things:

1. "Don't worry, your own time will come soon." (Really? I wasn't worried until you said that, now I'm worried that something is the matter since "my time" hasn't come yet. Thanks.)

2. "Oh, why are you being picky? Or are you just waiting until you're sure? (Actually, no one is even remotely interested in me. Or at least no one I'm aware of. Thanks for reminding me of that fact.)

3. "We've got to find someone for you!" or as one of my friends puts it, "You need to get chose!" (This is probably the best response. While it does make me think, "Obviously no one currently wants to "choose" me," it mostly makes me feel like I am an awesome, desireable woman... and boys are just blind.)

But regardless of the response, they all seem to say one thing: That being single isn't "good enough." That I must want more in life. And without a tall, dark and handsome man to marry and bear children for, I am somehow incomplete. Or unhappy. Which, I'd like to point out, I am not.

This doesn't mean I don't want a boyfriend or a husband. It just means that I've learned the art of contentment. Or at this article put it, I'm waiting actively. Being single right now means I get to pursue things that are important to me. I also get to work on myself and be the person I want to be, so if and when Mr. "Right" (which this article claims there is no such things as) comes, I'm ready.

Let's face it. I'm not terrible domestic. And while I don't think a woman needs to be. I kind of want to be for my family (with his helping hand, of course). I'd like to know how to hem pants, sew on buttons and fix tear. I'd like to be able to create family dinners we can share around the table. I'd like to have a home that while it may look lived in, doesn't look like a war-zone.

I'd also like to be better at the piano (I imagine us gathered around having sing-a-longs... or at least gathering around it during Christmas time and singing some carols). And maybe even learn the guitar. I'd like to get down a writing routine I can be proud of (cause I will not compromise and let that dream die). I'd like to have a clear idea of my dreams and where I'd want life to lead me.

I'd like to actually use and stick to a budget and have all of my debt paid off (minus the student loans... that will probably take 15-30 years unless I become rich). And honestly, I'd like to get a handle on my own emotional baggage and feel 100% worth it (which most days, I do. But sometimes, in my head, I hear one of my cousins saying, "Man, Bunmi... whoever marries you must really love you.") and not beat myself over the head for past mistakes and stumbles (relationship and non-relationship related).

Most importantly, I want to be better at putting God first. And living my life for His glory and not my own. It's easy to get thrown into the church environment where you go to church "looking for a man." (I actually HATE the idea of singles groups and avoid churches with them. What? So singles don't want to be friends with married people?) And yes, I do plan on marrying a Christian. But that doesn't mean I have to find him at church.

I guess... I know I'm flawed. And I know he'll be flawed. So what's more important to me is that we're both surrendering our flawed selves to the One above and letting him guide us. Cause ultimately, no matter how cute I think you are. Or how nice you are to me. Or how much you make me laugh. Whatever chemistry between us isn't going to matter if we can't put God first. And by putting God first, it'll help me love whoever I'm supposed to love completely. Even if he leaves his dirty laundry on the floor.

I've more or less been single for six years. And in that time, there was a potential relationship. And a part of me feels like I (maybe, we) sacrificed that potential relationship because I was so bent on "guarding my heart." Which at the time might have seemed like a good idea. But now (and this article agrees with me) I think it might have been a pretty silly idea. For one, nothing is a guarantee. And how do you have an authentic relationship with anyone if you're guarded and have walls up? And more importantly, how are you putting God first in doing that? If God is first in my life, I shouldn't be so concerned about getting hurt. He's got my back. And if I'm focused in living out His will for my life, "all things will work out for the good..."

And now I think it could have been a great relationship. In fact, I still do. But that's besides the point.

The point is this: Yes, there are some days I envy my newly-wedded friends. Yes, there are some days that I wish that "he" would just show up already. But most days, and even on those other days, I am perfectly content in my singleness. I've got my priorities, and dating/marriage isn't at the top of that list. God is. Plus, I get to be selfish and just worry about me :-)

And maybe one day, I'll meet a guy who would do something like this for me, hehe:


The proof that we are soulmates from Emanuele Colombo on Vimeo.



(P.S. If you go to any of the links, you'll notice they mostly all come from RELEVANT magazine. I fell upon one of their articles and then just kept reading through the night (good thing I don't have work right now! Haha). It's a good magazine. You should check it out.)

6 comments:

  1. Yessss! Someone gets it! I've grown very content and comfortable being with myself. That's not to say I wouldn't mind a fine man of God by my side. In God's time, everything will come together...I hope lol!

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  2. I didn't get to see the video, but I absolutely loved your post! And whenever I hear "tall, dark and handsome," I automatically think "short, light and handsome!" LOL! You know why. Anyway, I want to hang out with you when you're in Dallas if possible. I'm flexible that Sunday you're here. xoxo Wande E.

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  3. Haha @ "Short, Light and Handsome"!

    And yes, we will definitely meet up when I'm in town. We'll start making plans soon :-) Although, really, y'all should just switch the get-together to Sunday for me, hehe

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  4. Girl! I totally feel every single word on this post. Every last one. Thanks for the links to the articles too!

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  5. We are now best friends because you are clearly stealing thought from my head. Thanks for writing them out so nicely.

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  6. I totally feel u on this. Nice post! - Tomi

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