Faith, Hope, and Love

I'm emotionally drained. Which makes me physically drained. Which is apparently quite obvious to those around me. I've gotten a lot of "Are you okay?" "Are you sure?" "What's wrong?" and other concerned remarks and questions within the last few weeks.  My response is generally, "Yeah, yeah!" with an occasional, "just a little tired..."   Some people buy this, and conversation moves on to other stuff. But a few feel propelled to give me a hug and to "feel better soon!"  I guess in general, I'm a relatively bubbly and peppy person. I try to always keep a smile on my face. I laugh a lot. I'm goofy and quirky, and I might even venture to say I'm a little bit funny. But lately, I haven't been feeling any of that. I mean, I try to be me--but lately, I haven't felt peppy, bubbly, or funny on the inside. And when you don't feel something inside, it's hard to project that on the outside.  I ...

Are you there, God? It's me... and I need to talk to You. I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay. Because, honestly, I'm not. I'm far from okay. I want to trust You so much... and I guess, deep down inside, I do. But I'm also scared. And so full of uncertainty. What is going to happen to me? What is this that You're doing to me? When will I find a second part-time job, or find a full-time job, and be able to no longer worry about how rent and other bills will get paid? When will I be able to hold my head up high and proudly tell people what I do, instead of trying to make "Right now, I work part-time at the YMCA" sound like my absolute dream when at times it feels like a nightmare? When will the shame of losing my job be left behind me? And when will I no longer feel this pit of despair inside me? When will my smile be real again? And when will I be able to enjoy life again? Are You there, God? It's me... and I'm so confused. I...