I mean, I've always liked to write, and deep down inside I know I'm a good one. But I'll be honest, I'm plagued with A LOT of insecurity when it comes to the words I put on paper (or online, whatever). I've had friends read my stuff and go, "Wow, that was really good!" and I feel a moment of glee. But then I think, "Well, you know me. You're my friend. Of course you wouldn't tell me I sucked!" And instantly, I'm refilled with self-doubt about my skills.
This year, I had already decided to face my fear and write more. It's why I decided to apply for MFA programs--to stop being scared and finally pursue the career route I've always dreamed I'd take. It's kind of why I decided to start this blog--to force myself to write more often and just put myself out there.
Keeping this blog hasn't been easy. There are points when I ask myself why I'm doing this. What's the point? I feel like I have zero-to-no readers. And the few readers I have are friends, who read out of pity versus true interest, haha. A lot of times, I feel like Julie Powell in the movie "Julie & Julia," when she's like, "Hello out there! Is anyone reading me?" Just one comment each day would be nice! But I will say that I do get excited sometimes when I look at my stats and see that 20 people read a post! It's not a lot, but there's that excitement in knowing I'm being read! And I have eight followers!
Anyway, my "freelance blogger" status began at the beginning of this year when I did No Impact Week for YES! Magazine. It was a great week and the whole time I was super self-conscious of what I wrote and what people would think of me. But then my friend, who is the web editor and who wrangled me into doing the whole thing, would fill me in on the feedback she was getting. "They love you!" "My publisher won't stop talking about you!" "They think you're funny!" And then she e-mailed me this one comment that almost made me cry (in a good way):
Well, this same friend has been trying to get me to contribute to her personal blog project HumanGoods.net. It's a website dedicated to discussing the slave trade around the world. Her assignment for me: Take a look at the sex trafficking that will be happening during the Super Bowl (which is in Dallas this year). I was like, "uh... are you crazy?!" But being the girl who can't say no, I eventually agreed. And can I say that I'm getting excited about doing this? I feel like by volunteering with a group and then blogging about my experience is part of me "living on purpose." And Life on Purpose has been the theme of the Awakening for the last three weeks. The last message was about how you do that--and it all comes down to doing what you're good at and what you're passionate about and running that race like there's no tomorrow. I feel like blogging for HumanGoods in a sprint in the right direction :)
And speaking of The Awakening, that's who else I'll be blogging for. You are looking at one of the newest members of the blogging team. I'm already writing my first post in my head--be prepared to hear about the seven weddings I'd have gone to by the end of 2011 and how they've gotten me pretty excited about the newest series on Ruth & Relationships coming up. Another member of the blogging team will be my girl, Lindsey. She recently wrote this hilarious blog post for the PriorFatGirl site. I can't wait to read what she produced for The Awakening.
|Worship at The Awakening|
So, look out for me on both sites! :)